My Feelings About Church...

I haven't been to church for like 2 1/2 months. This has been due largely to the fact that I got a job and have been working every Sunday. Also, though, it’s because I haven’t wanted to go. But as bad as I kind of feel for not being at church for so long, what makes me feel worse is the fact that it really hasn't bothered me.

I'm pretty sure I will never be able to put into words exactly how it is I'm feeling, because I think there are just so many different reasons and causes that it would take forever. But let me try.

I believe in God. Let me just throw that out there right now. I will always believe in God. But right now I feel like I’m in a rut. I need to find him on my own time, and on my own terms. My entire life I’ve grown up going to church almost every Sunday. I’ve been taught to pray. I’ve been taught to be good, do what’s right, obey the rules, that sort of thing. It’s like I’ve been programmed to do things automatically. But I guess that’s what a parent’s job is, to teach you to do things so they become healthy habits when you’re on your own, so that’s not so bad. But I’ve also always been taught that at some point your religion has to become your own. You can’t do it simply because that’s what your parents do, or that’s just what you’ve always done. It has to become real in a way that you understand why it is you do what you do. It can’t be just a routine. Otherwise it becomes a vain tradition and it has no meaning. The only way it can have value is if you do it because you want to. You do it not because it’s expected of you, but because you know it’s right. That’s what I want. I want my religion to be real; I want it to be mine.

I think...

Rescue Me

Hold me close my Savior
As I sink beneath these waves
With the water raging over me
Will I sink without a trace
Can anybody see me
Will I be missed when I’m gone
Hold me now my Savior
And keep holding on

Hold me now my Savior
Draw me close to you
As my tears stain this paper
I don’t know what to do
I feel so far away
From where I’m suppose to be
Draw me close my Savior
Come rescue me

Hold me now my Savior
Let me feel your embrace
Help me to hear you speaking
Help me to seek your face
I know you’re out there somewhere
You’re just too far away to see
Draw me close my Savior
Rescue me

Hold me now my Savior
Hold me in your arms
While my mistakes and failures
Attempt to tear me apart
I want so badly to forsake them
But I am far too weak
Help me now my Savior
And rescue me

Are you there my Jesus
Can you even hear my cries
Can you see through these defenses
Can you look past my lies
The sins I continue to carry
Can you release me of all these
Forgive me please my Jesus
Please rescue me

Hold me now my Savior
My days on Earth are done
You held me as I asked you to
Until the war was won
Thank you my Lord, my Jesus
I’ll praise you for all eternity
Because you never did let me go
Because you rescued me

At the Cross of Jesus

Don’t cry,
Wipe away that tear
Forget all of your sorrows
Forget all of your fears
Cast off all your worries
And every burden that you bear
At the cross of Jesus
Leave them lying there

He sees all of your problems
And all the issues that you face
He can see that you’re hurting
He knows of your disgrace
He wants to make it better
He wants to make it fair
At the cross of Jesus
Just leave it lying there

He knows when you don’t feel Him
Because He can feel it too
He longs to have you near Him
He longs to be with you
To place His arms around us
To fulfill our every need
And to take our worries from us
As we lay them at Jesus’ feet

He will offer you His shelter
And give you safety from the storm
He’ll give you a place to run to
To feel safe and to feel warm
For the streets are cold and dirty
With no place to safely fall
Come and fall before the cross
Of the God of Heaven, the God of all